Empathy is the ability to connect emotionally with others; to see things from their point of view and to imagine how they might feel. Many people would argue that empathy is at the heart of being human. Still, we have all encountered people at different times in our life who seriously lack this skill. In a world where parents are reminding their children to choose kindness, helping them develop empathy is critical.
There are multiple ways to cultivate empathy with your children and in your family. It may surprise you to learn that you can find most of these teachable moments happen right at home.
Validate a range of emotions
In order for children to care about the feelings of others, they need to become self-aware of their own emotions. Providing validation to your child means letting them share their thoughts and feelings without judging, criticizing, ridiculing, or dismissing them. You convey that you love and accept them no matter what they are feeling. Parents often jump to “fix it” mode when their child expresses emotions, especially negative ones. Negative emotions are a normal part of life and allowing your child to sit with and express when they are sad, mad, anxious, etc., without jumping in to solve the problem is a powerful way to help them process and cope.
Demonstrate empathy with your child and with others
Children learn empathy from watching their parents and other important adults in their life interact with the world around them. When you show empathy, you promote trusting and secure attachments which are the foundation for the development of self-esteem and character. When you tune into your child’s physical and emotional needs, you empathize with them in the most basic ways. Children also learn empathy by watching how you interact with people throughout the day – your partner, their siblings, the coffee barista, their baseball coach. If you regularly engage in community service, you are showing and teaching empathy.
Provide opportunities for your child to practice
When parents regularly consider others’ perspectives and situations and talk out loud about these with their children, they are helping to strengthen their child’s empathy skills. Providing opportunities to practice is important. For example, you can encourage empathy for peers and siblings by asking them to take different perspectives when they are in an argument or a conflict. You can also ask your children to practice perspective taking while reading books together or watching a movie by asking, ‘how do you think they feel?” Children are born with the capacity for empathy, but it is necessary for parents to place value on this trait for it to become a priority.
Additional resources
For more ways to promote empathy in your family and with your child, we suggest reading the following children’s books together:
We’re All Wonders (R.J. Palacio)
The Invisible Boy (Trudy Ludwig)
You, Me and Empathy (Joyneen Sanders)
I am Human (Susan Verde)