The burning question asked by parents across the country in September this year was: “when will my child be back in the classroom?” Not far behind was: “will Halloween be canceled!?” Many areas across the US will be expected to celebrate this spooky holiday a little different this year. Some counties and towns have put restrictions on trick-or-treating and are asking families to socialize only with members of their own household. Whether your local guidelines and personal decision involves trick-or-treating, outdoor costume parades, small gatherings, or a scary movie with the members of your household, one thing is for sure – parents are feeling stressed about how to deal with Halloween 2020.
We have put together a list of recommendations to think about when planning for Halloween for you and your family this year. These can be applied to children of all ages with some tailoring to what is important to them.
Collaborate on a plan
Talk to your child about the Halloween plan that you have for your family at least a few days in advance. You might hold a family meeting to find out what aspects of Halloween are important to them. For example, is it the costumes? The candy? The spooky atmosphere? Eliciting what is important to them will help you create a plan that includes those elements. Children of all ages enjoy being involved in holiday planning and this will allow them to feel that they are more in control of any changes that might need to take place. Agreeing on a plan in advance will help your child manage their holiday expectations and avoid potential disappointment on the day of the holiday.
Validate feelings
Children of all ages are likely to experience a wide range of emotions when it comes to accepting a modified plan to Halloween this year. Do not assume that your child’s reaction will match your own. Be open to hearing all the different feelings your child might experience. Some children may express disappointment and others might feel excited. Even with adaptations this year, the signs and sounds of Halloween make some children feel anxious. Providing validation to your child means letting them share their thoughts and feelings without judging, criticizing, ridiculing, or dismissing them. Validate your own feelings, too. This year has had unique challenges for parents who have found themselves stepping into multiple roles. In other words, it has been hard and it is okay to feel however you are feeling.
Model positive coping
As described above, your child’s reaction to Halloween this year is their own. It is important to meet them where they are. But you can set the stage for how you, the parent, handle disappointment and model for them the skill of flexibility. Avoid phrases such as “Halloween is canceled.” Instead, talk to them about how you are personally feeling and think out loud about ways to problem solve. Be sure to focus on how it makes you feel rather than place blame on others, the town, or Covid-19. For example, “I’m feeling disappointed that I won’t be able to see your friends dressed up in costumes.” Follow this with modeling a possible solution. “I wonder if we could have all the parents take photos and send them around on a group text so that we can look at them together?” All of this can be discussed within the contest of what they would like Halloween to include this year.
Parents are feeling overwhelmed by the modifications they have already been asking their children to make in 2020 and it may feel unfair or overwhelming to alter additional plans this year. When parents work with their children on a Halloween plan, validate feelings, and model effective ways to cope, they are showing their children parenting super powers – resilience and flexibility. So, put on that super hero costume and cape because you’ve earned it!