Last week, we wrote about the stress and anxiety kids and teens might be feeling as they return back to school and other activities full-time. We outlined several signs to watch for that might signal stress.
This week, we review three ways that parents can help kids cope with the stress that can come from this transition.
Step 1: Model problem solving and positive thinking
This uniquely stressful time in our lives as parents comes with many frustrations. On the flip slide, this time is also flush with opportunity to model effective coping to our children. It is OK to express your own emotions when you model emotion labeling and problem solving. For example, “I have not been to the office in many months and when I think about going back there to work, I feel nervous. I wonder if you feel that way about school?” Follow this with showing your child how you might cope with this negative feeling. “When I feel nervous, I try to do more of the things that help me feel calm. I like to exercise and do breathing exercises. What helps you when you feel anxious?”
Step 2: Validate feelings
When children are anxious, they often seek reassurance from parents that everything will be alright. Avoid responding with phrases like, “don’t worry” and “everything will be OK.” Instead, focus on listening, reflecting, and validating their feelings. Providing validation to your child means letting them share their thoughts and feelings without judging, criticizing, ridiculing or dismissing them. You convey that you love and accept them no matter what they are feeling or thinking. Feeling understood helps your child feel connected and supported and often the first step needed before they can practice coping strategies.
Step 3: Practice coping skills together
Coping skills are most effectively practiced when you and your child are already feeling calm. It is hard to try something new when you are already keyed-up! The goal is to practice when calm so that the skills can be readily called upon when feeling stressed. One example to try is belly breathing.
Belly breathing
Belly breathing, or diaphragmatic breathing, is a state of deep breathing. You can say to your child: “When we are anxious, our bodies go into “fight or flight” mode and we engage in shallow breathing. On the other hand, belly breathing reduces our heart rate and triggers a relaxation response. The really great thing about belly breathing is that we can take it with us anywhere we go.”
Here’s how to practice:
- Start by having your child breathe normally. Ask if your child notices anything about it. What parts of the body move as she breathes? What does it feel like?
- Then, have your child lay on her back and put one hand on her belly.
- Slowly breathe in for four seconds, and notice how the stomach expands like a balloon.
- Have your child hold in the air for four seconds.
- Slowly breathe out, until the air is all gone
- Repeat until the body feels relaxed. Ask your child if they notice anything different from before. What does it feel like?
These three steps (Model, Validate and Practice) can be remembered using the acronym MVP. As psychologists, and parents ourselves, we like to remind parents that they are the real MVP’s when it comes to recognizing and supporting their children when they are stressed.
Be sure to follow our Instagram page @cbt.westport for more kid-friendly coping strategies for anxiety!