The back to school conversation usually begins sometime in August. This year, as states and districts grapple with the safest ways to educate our country’s children, the conversation has turned from where to get the latest school trends to what model of schooling will occur in your town. Whether the choice is complete distance learning, complete in classroom learning , or a hybrid of something in between, one thing is for sure – overwhelmed parents will feel many different emotions. It is important for parents to acknowledge and cope with their own reactions. At the same time, children need to hear the back-to-school plan from their parents in a way that promotes a positive transition. Here are some important suggestions for how to have this conversation.
1. Provide information in a direct and simple way.
Once you have made a decision regarding school that best fits the needs of your family, set a time to talk about it. Call a family meeting or have the conversation at mealtime without distractions. Deliver the information in simple terms with as many facts that you can provide. For example, if your child will be going to school with a hybrid program, be as clear as you can about which days they will be learning from home and which days they will be in school. Children may have follow up questions. These might include how the school plans to keep them safe or what is expected of them while on school campus (will they be wearing masks?, practicing social distancing?, washing their hands frequently?). Elicit from them any additional questions they might have and work together to find out the answers.
2. Show support
Parents in all situations are bound to feel a range of different emotions – stress, fear, sadness, relief, among many other emotions. Regardless of these feelings, it is imperative to show parental support of the plan that is decided upon. You might feel like placing blame on others when it comes time to make the final plans for school, but this kind of talk in front of a child is problematic and can create a negative outlook even before school begins. When you use supportive language to describe the back to school plan, children will adapt more positively. Children often determine their own level of distress based on their parents’ reaction to a situation. Let’s say, for example, that the hybrid model mentioned above will bring stress to your family due to work demands and care of other children. Instead of mentioning these factors, focus on the facts with your child. “You are going back to school some days and staying home some days. But you will be learning all of those days. This is because we want to keep you and other people healthy and less likely to catch the virus.”
3. Validate Feelings
Just like their parents, children are likely to experience a wide range of emotions when it comes to accepting the final back to school plans. Do not assume that your child’s reaction will match your own. Be open to hearing the wide range of emotions that your child might experience. Providing validation to your child means letting them share their thoughts and feelings without judging, criticizing, ridiculing or dismissing them. You convey that you love and accept them no matter what they are feeling or thinking. Feeling understood is the first step in feeling connected and supported.
4. Model positive coping
This uniquely stressful time in our lives as parents comes with many frustrations. On the flip slide, this time is also flush with opportunity to model effective coping to our children. It is OK to express your own disappointment with the back-to-school plan when you focus on how it makes you feel. For example, “I feel sad that you can’t learn in the classroom every day. I wonder if you feel that way, too?” Follow this with showing your child how you might cope with this negative feeling. “But, then I also think it will be nice to still have lunch with you on the days that you are home. I have really enjoyed that. I am also grateful that we can do our part to keep schools as safe as possible right now. That feels really cool.”
It is normal for families to experience stress around the continued uncertainty and change of the upcoming school year plans. When parents provide information, show support of the plan, validate emotions and model ways to cope, their children are more likely to have a positive transition into the school year.